goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
