First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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