Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
