She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
