Moan for me like Helen Keller
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
do herpes really smell.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
