And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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