Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
