i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
