How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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