guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
