Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
this hospital has no fireball
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
