My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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