i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
