did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
