All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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