smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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