What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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