once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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