I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
