Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
