Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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