Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
