I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
