CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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