i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
