I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it because I queefed?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
