only if we run a train.
done.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
