I feel great
I just peed on a car
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't deserve a penis
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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