i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
