When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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