Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
