how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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