Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
