Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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