we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
