and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
