i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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