dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
