I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
