Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
