Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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