so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
