My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize