I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
