i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
