Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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