so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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