You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
