She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
