I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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