I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
