Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
