:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
