then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Apparently you make a good broom.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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