Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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