im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
