turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
