I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
