We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
