Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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