i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
