gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
