you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
