the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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