lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
