first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize