when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
they need to just BURY HIM!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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