Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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