Just mADE A PArabola og urine
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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