Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
