You really coming over, don't trick.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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