awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
