I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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